revising with williams

original sentence:
Eastern Michigan University is a comprehensive University whose roots date back to 1849, when the Michigan Legislature designated it as Michigan’s first institution to educate teachers to serve the public schools. At that time the Detroit school system was only 10 years old and the transition from one-room school houses had just begun.

New Sentence:
Mighigan Legislature started Eastern Michigan University in 1849 as an institution to educate teachers to serve public schools. At that time the 10 year old Detriot school sysetem had just begun the transition from one-room school houses.

I changed these sentences because they were too long. Not that this is a bad thing. But as Mr. Williams states in his book, this is a problem when subjects and verbs become unclear. This happen in the first sentence. The two subjects presented were the Mighigan Legislature and Eastern Michigan University. By applying the rule I was able to make it clear what the point of the sentence was more clearly. In the second sentece there were nominalizations. All the extra words that had no meaning were thrown out. This was done by taking the "and" out for starters because it was not needed. Just managing the words better allowed for a more clear sentence.